Legend of Daniel

 I am rich in humor. I am intelligent in every field. I am legend.

           

Born deep within an active volcano I was born with the ability to breath fire, however due to a passion for petite pink popsicles the wrath of my fire has been subdued. Raised along side the monks of Tibet my muscles have panther like quickness. So quick indeed that I have wrestled with a half bear half shark hybrid, my own creation. I won. I have jumped off the Eiffel tower using a spoon as a parachute. But these small feats only begin to explain my pure extravagance. It was I who created the chair. It was I who owned the first toaster. It was I that invented the first roller coaster! My idea of world peace would have succeeded if I had not wanted to bake mint cupcakes. Did you know I invented all 356 flavors of ice cream? Did you know Elton John’s song “Daniel” was written on my birthday for me? Did you know I enjoy apples? I did all these while knitting my grandmother a scarf. As well as I won the 2009 knitting world championships in Germany. Twice. Clocks originally had 13 numbers, until I changed them. When in India I rode a polar bear. I had a full career in movies and theater until I taught Tom Cruise how to act, and then I gave him the spotlight. Both Edward and Jacob are on my team. I can play the flute. I can swim. Because of my accomplishments monkeys can read books. Because I defused a bomb hidden in the pentagon the U.S.A can sleep at night. Because I was their to help give birth to superman he decided to save the world, with my permission and not past curfew of course. The world was flat until I sculpted it. My first sculpture was October 5^th 1657, a porringer. Later called the bowl. Before the man there was me. Before water was found I infused two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom in my front yard to give to world a drink. Before paper was invented I used computers. I named F.D.R. My accomplishments cannot be counted. I have done all while wearing an eye patch. Others cannot comprehend my wit. Others cannot talk to me without blushing. Others cannot simply stand in front of me without wobbly knees. I have done all this, scaled dragons and ate pumpkin. Done things no man or woman could dream of. However I have not yet attended university.